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A book for parents
not a parenting book
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Countless children are trapped in a cycle of bad behaviour. They gain a power in the home that is totally irresistible to them but which makes them miserable. Parents are completely mystified by what is going on and equally trapped. All this suffering is quickly and completely reversible. This book describes what is going on a provides parents with a detailed account of what they need to do.
Every parent needs to know the techniques explained here and what is happening when behaviour breaks down but these pages do not provide a model for good parenting. If your parenting isn't broken don't fix it. This book is intended to help you understand and speedily change a spectrum of bad behaviour from mild to very serious and then maintain that change. When I use the inclusive term "we" in the text I do not mean "we parents" but
"We - the parents of children with serious behaviour problems"
take time to read this book fully
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Described here are the methods I use with my clients. Changing behaviour is taxing but nearly 100% of my clients complete the intervention and to date all or these have been successful. Because of this and because of the television documentaries about my work I have a strong feeling that this book will have a large impact on the way many parents handle difficult children.
I have already had parents who have only seen the documentaries and who have little real information say that they are "using my methods" and had a national paper retract an article in which I was quoted as saying that I "blame" the parents of ADHD children. I have already resigned myself to this being characterised as a "back to basics" book. Perhaps it is a futile exercise but let me state categorically - it is not. The main purpose of this book is to encourage parents to avoid all polarised views of parenting.
To avoid another possible mis-quote let me state here that parents have an "Interactive Behaviour Problem" with their child. This is a far more accurate way of describing cronic bad behaviour. It is not possible for a child, on its own, to have an "interactive " behaviour problem.
Commentators are going to attempt to characterise my method using just a few words and busy parents will be tempted to take salient points from the TV programmes and from the commentators and dip into this book trying to find just the strategies or the pages that specifically mention their child's problem.
I beg parents, please, do not do this.
Yes, this is essentially a technical book it will give you all the detail and all the practical strategies you need. But you will only be able to use them successfully and maintain the changes you achieve if your attitude to your child's behaviour also changes fundamentally. Skipping to what you hope are the important strategies, will probably mean that you are skipping over those ideas that do not accord with your predispositions. If you continue to think about your child's behaviour in the same way it will not change.
So read carefully, this book does not tell you to just be more consistent, impose punishments, be "more strict ". If, when you have finished it, you do not understand the difference between a sanction (punishment) and an "interpersonal sanction" then your child's behaviour could actually get worse.
If you have a partner you both need to read the book carefully.
Then sit down and agree when and how to start to reclaim your child.
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Copyright
© 2003 by Behaviour Change Consultancy - Featured in the Channel 4 Documentary
All rights reserved worldwide
Behaviourchange.com
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